I spent my life to be strong.
I came from a family of strong women: my grandmother was widowed in war, My mother works (it should) and even a dog to help her (no maids, no part-time, no ready meals from his mother). I was brought up like that, without a single doubt in my power: it was a matter of fact, it must be strong.
completed with ridicule and innuendo against those who were not strong or do not show: the wife who left their husbands do, those who were married to "settle down", those who close their eyes while not being alone. And, at school, my mother's finger was pointed at those parents who left home for them not to question or to avoid this task in class, or those with the excuse of 'being confused "or" have to mature " lost a year or that.
L'unica debolezza che mi era permessa era quella fisica: il mio sistema immunitario non è mai stato il massimo, mi son sempre ammalata spesso. Di solito nei momenti cruciali: la prima gita, gli esami di terza media, l'occasione tal dei tali. E le vacanze, che culo.
Per il resto, per me essere donna non ha mai coinciso con l'essere il sesso debole, anzi. Mia madre e mia nonna mi hanno inculcato la convinzione che per essere donna ci vogliono le palle: lavori il doppio, fai i lavori più ingrati e c'è sempre qualcuno che ha da ridire.
Ecco perché mia madre scoppiò a piangere quando vide che ero femmina, mica per altro. Non che avesse torto.
Però io, come lei e mia nonna, sono caduta molto facilmente in due traps.
The first one is compelled to express their feelings, "like a real man." The only adult with whom I would daily gestures of affection is my husband. For the rest, I'm not used to or to kiss or hug me, nor my grandfather, if we try, we feel like a stretch. I'm not used to embrace my friends, to be polite kiss on the cheek but I do not have the momentum. And then one wonders why it feels a invaded by pregnancy and lactation.
The other trap is stoicism a bit 'celodurista. The type that just as you felt a little man to be afraid of certain situations and to feel the fatigue of others, if another woman will express her difficulties inside you think "that saw a half." Unless the problems are not so big and objective. Even if you are open and reasonably well-prepared, even if rationally would have nothing bad to be in trouble and say it, a little voice inside you take the tone of the sergeant in Full Metal Jacket. It is an aspiration to perfection , but the hardness of becoming tough enough not to be cut down by anything. Beautiful illusion.
addition to these flaws, be considered "strong" it creates another: the other, the fact that you are "the strong", they always take and never offer.
For goodness sake, not all evil is a silver lining: learn to ask for help if you need them. But you can only do with Who is close enough, while the rest of the world sees you better armored and not even remotely dream of giving you a hand. Or rather, come on, you are strong, overcomes the difficulty. Fuck, it should be ': maybe I'm strong, maybe I can, but if someone takes away some burden from the shoulders does not make me sick. If that someone takes it from me then I'm quite happy even spontaneously.
Dedicated to my husband, who comes back to Earth when she becomes conscious of my weight and I remove someone. Without dropping the others.
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